


astra in nocte

by Ffwydriad



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Caleb Widogast's Backstory, Coda to C2E87, Gen, Going to be jossed in a week but I don't care, sooo much Caleb angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:53:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21696499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ffwydriad/pseuds/Ffwydriad
Summary: He does, in fact, sleep that night, even if it is the last thing he can imagine doing.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 63





	astra in nocte

He doesn't want to go to sleep. He doesn't want to give this city any of that vulnerability, doesn't want to let his guard down for even a moment, but being awake is a death sentence. He feels as weak as he did when he first met the Mighty Nein, weaker, even, with the panic that refuses to leave his chest. He cannot afford to be without his health, without his magic, without as steady a head as he can manage for what they will be facing. 

So, he sets up the silver thread, for all he knows that the warning will only make the death more painful, and he sets up the dome, for all he knows that it can, and will, be shattered. He sleeps on the floor, and he does sleep, albeit fitfully, albeit plagued with nightmares. 

There is a subtle break of silver thread, and it echoes in his mind. He wakes, but doesn't move, doesn't open his eyes. He doesn't hear the movement, through the room, but he feels it, in his soul. He waits for the dome to fall, spell curling in his hand, and the panic only grows when that doesn't come. 

Instead, there is a tap on the dome, light, and so he sits up, and stares at Astrid, who sits on the other side of the barrier. 

He's thought a lot about how she would look, when he saw her again. She looks like one of the many ways he imagined she would age. Her hair is longer then he can ever remember it being, and she looks healthier than he does, not that it's hard.

"It's good to see you, Bren." She says, in barely even a whisper, not that he'd need to hear it to know what she was saying. 

There's so much to say. There's nothing that he can say. They sit there, in dead silence.

"Are you here to kill me?" he asks her, when it seems like an eternity has passed unmoving.

"Not yet," she replies. She's smiling, and he can't tell if it's pleasant or sinister, which it's meant to be, which it feels like, staring at her. 

"Are you here to kill my companions?" he asks. He can't call them his friends, with her sitting there. He's able to convince himself that it's to protect them, from the dangers he will bring. 

"We aren't going to hurt diplomats assigned by the king himself," she says. "We're servants of the Empire." He almost believes her, as she says that. "You've done very well for yourself, Bren. Or should I call you Caleb?"

Hearing that name on her voice is worse than he can imagine. He doesn't tell her that."

"And when that is over?"

She sits there for a good long while, reading his face in the shadows. He doesn't know if she's had anything done to her, to see in the dark, the way he set his stone to grant him this, but even if there's nothing but the pale light from outside, she must see him, because she stares through him so easily. 

"Would you really want anyone else to do it, in the end?" she asks him.

He doesn't know if that would be for the best, or for the worst. He's not sure if he wants to know. 

She smiles softly, or as soft as she can manage, and drags a knife down the edge of the dome, not dispelling it, but leaving a sharp carved rune that is definitely an A in the surface of the enchantment. And then she's gone, in a twist of shadows, and he's staring at an empty room.

He doesn't want to go to sleep. It's the last thing he wants to do, close his eyes and let himself be weak to the ever present danger all around him. But staying awake will kill him. 

Sleeping will kill him too, in the end. Everything here will kill him in the end. The sooner he comes to accept that fact, the easier it will be to move forward.

**Author's Note:**

> oh man this next arc is going to be Fucking Intense and i for one can't wait to see exactly what horribleness Matt's gonna be throwing their way.
> 
> i'm @malaismere on tumblr if you want to yell at me about critical role (or literally whatever)


End file.
